Now here’s a confession I’m not sure how many would be able to relate to. I call is the “missing feeling”.
Last night I went to the cinema for Russell Crowe and Cate Blanchett starrer Robin Hood. It was a fine movie. Lasted about 2 hours and 20 minutes and showed a whole lot of European lush green forests, valleys and the French coast. I for one am a sucker for large landscapes and great outdoors. A 70mm treat that lasts 2 and a half hours with just that, and stars who look, act and seem so real and in the character, that nothing can possibly make me feel it wasn’t true. I get so involved and almost all the time I cannot believe it myself. At times I let myself really get deep into the environment and the script that even after it’s over it’s not so over for me. Only when a movie or a play does that to me I don’t really care about it much. Whether the ending is happy or sad, it must stay with me. I make sure I’m there taking it in with ever single pore that I can. I really DO love to soak it in.
Having said that, the confession I want to make now, isn’t about just that. But what it does to me. It makes me miss it. Well ya, it might sound not so abnormal but hear me out completely.
I remember going for some Amir Khan movie with my parents as a kid. I wasn’t anything more than 7 years old. We got back by the evening and I took a nap after that. I woke up with a feeling of loneliness. You know the feeling during summer holidays when you spend loads of times with cousins and then the holidays get over and boom.. the house is empty, there are no more sleep overs and no more of the guests around. I hate that feeling. It makes me feel so lonely. So it felt like that for me. I know Amir would be the kind of cute relative a lot of girls would want but I was 7! It wasn’t anything like that, I mean could I possibly be having a crush? Whatever it was it didn’t end with Amir. I would miss characters of movies, plays even stories I read in school once the books were over. I wondered what happened after that? I wanted to know. And no I couldn’t wait for the sequel. It wasn’t easy because nobody understood. I would stay in the movie hall till all credits were over. I hated leaving before that. In my mind I was hoping to catch a glimpse of something more. Nobody understood. I never understood.
I thought the feeling would slowly fade. But it only became stronger. Now I have a name for it ” The Missing Feeling”. I started writing a journal and almost twice a month I had the feeling come over. I wish I knew how it would leave. For I wasn’t looking for a person or news I was looking at a window and wanted to know what’s outside. Nobody could tell me that. Except my imagination. So I helped myself. I came up with answers that best satisfied my questions.
While I did try to solve my problem on my own, it’s not the solution that always counts. As I may be 26 today and sufficiently mature when it comes to a lot of things. There’s still something I get when the car is driving out of the theatre and crowds are leaving for their home. I am once again going back with the missing feeling. I wish something completed it for me. But so far, that feeling is missing.